Why bother

Move on, you may not want to read this from a miserable old lady,  

I am bitchy today, excuse the language,  it's one of those days when things are not  going just right, there is nothing wrong, but just not right.

It started yesterday, I got out some of the Christmas decorations, a wreath on the door, it is a beautiful one, so had to admire it when it  was up.  Happy.  Then the little tree, put on some lights and nice shiny balls and icicles.  Displayed some Christmas cards we have received already amongst some garland and more lights, looks OK.  Then I thought "why bother"  there is not going to be a Christmas,  No family get together, "why bother".  Looked in my cook books  for the Christmas shortbread I make, its the family's favorite cookie I make every year,  "why bother" no one will be eating them    I warned you, leave now.  

Then the toilet in the downstairs bathroom kept running and runny, for how long we don't know, I blame myself as I was the last one to use it.  It ran long enough for water to go everywhere, had to use the shop vac to suck up the water,  Hubby was ranting and raving, I admitted it could have been my fault and felt guilty as it could have ruined the floor.  He did not blame me. but I felt the words were  being directed to me  they made me feel very uncomfortable.   I  had had enough of that when I was married, it brought back some not so pleasant memories. Miserable. When I recall this I get weepy, it hurt years ago and the scars still hurt.

Today, Hubby was doing some plumbing work, I went to help, I do not know a lot about how tools work, more words, when I did not or  do what I was suppose to, "turn the screw at the end to open it".  What he was trying to do did not work so I started to write my Christmas cards, "why bother"..  

I am a social person, I need to talk to people, I go to the theatre with friends I worked with, we have been doing this for as many years as I can remember.  I used to go to a seniors exercise class, not any more.  I visit my family, my Hubbies family, they visit us, we visit his friends, my friends, my sister.  not any more.  I am "Virus fatigued" and everything just came to a head today.

 Not looking for sympathy, just venting, 

So I am going to forget that yesterday and today, never happened.  Tomorrow is another day, maybe things won't look as gloomy as the weather.

I start my eye drops in ready for surgery on Wednesday,  the sun is suppose to shine, maybe make some blueberry muffins.  Things should be better.